PeRRK for Parenting

Parenting for Strength and Stability: Building Everyday Resilience

Parenting can sometimes feel like living in a landscape prone to sudden, unpredictable shifts: emotional earthquakes that shake routines, challenge relationships, and test our sense of control. For many families around the world, especially those facing ongoing hardship or discrimination, these tremors aren’t occasional. They happen often.

Yet over the years, our understanding of parenting, resilience, and mental health has expanded. We now have more tools, more knowledge, and a better insight of the social and emotional worlds that shape parenting. Still, much remains to be done to turn this knowledge into sustainable and inclusive support that reflects the realities of all families, not just a few.

One useful guide comes from a different field: structural engineering. A Chilean architect once explained anti-earthquake building codes by saying, “The purpose is not to prevent all damage, but to avoid the building collapsing on the people inside. There are no earthquake-proof buildings, but there are buildings that can be seriously damaged without causing loss of life.”

That stayed with me. It reflects how I’ve come to think about parenting, especially in complex and unequal environments.

The goal is not perfection. It is protection. Not flawless function, but safe and adaptable care. When stress rises, support systems should be in place to prevent collapse and help people stay upright, even if a little bruised, through uncertainty.

This idea also shapes PeRRK, a flexible framework developed to support recovery and resilience in mental health.

PeRRK uses a broad and inclusive understanding of family to reflect real-life caregiving structures. Families differ in size, composition, location, and history. A child raised by grandparents, living across two homes, or part of a multigenerational household is no less rooted in family than one living under a single roof. What matters is the presence of care, not whether a family fits one model. Cultural traditions, histories of migration, colonial disruption, and economic challenges all influence how caregiving works and who is seen as a caregiver.

Parenting, especially when shaped by long-term stress, trauma, or additional needs, often brings repeated emotional shocks. Some are expected, like a difficult transition at school. Others come without warning, such as a sudden outburst or mental health crisis. In these moments, parents may feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or judged. But with the right supports and strategies, families can get through emotional challenges. This often requires more than individual effort. Collective resources and community support play a key role.

Resilience in parenting is not a personal trait or badge of strength. It is an ongoing process of learning, adapting, and adjusting. It involves accepting imperfection, making room for repair, and knowing that some days will simply be hard. Parenting is not a solo act. And resilience should not be expected without support.

Structural factors like poverty, racism, unstable housing, and limited access to services can challenge even the most skilled caregivers. That is why resilience must be supported both within families and across systems, through fair policy, strong communities, and access to care.

Strong foundations in parenting grow out of everyday life: through moments of affection, predictable meals, consistent sleep routines, and regular connection, even if brief. These habits offer stability without being rigid. A daily routine can act like a floating foundation. It moves with the family, but stays steady. For many, these routines are made possible by wider networks—elders, neighbours, community leaders, and cultural mentors—especially when formal services are unavailable or not trusted.

Just as important as structure is flexibility. In buildings, flexible joints help prevent collapse. In families, the ability to adapt, repair, and hold space for difficult feelings serves the same purpose.

The ability to shift strategies and reconnect after misunderstandings helps families stay strong. These skills are not automatic. They are learned, shared, and shaped by culture. Some traditions emphasise shared caregiving, others focus on independence or guidance. No single way is best, but all benefit from care, respect, and the willingness to grow.

Support systems also need to be layered, not linear. One caregiver alone cannot carry the whole emotional load. Sustainable parenting depends on shared care. This includes partners, extended family, schools, communities, workplaces, professionals, and, more and more, digital tools.

When designed well and made accessible, digital platforms can extend support to those who might otherwise be left out. They offer information, connection, and helpful ideas. At the same time, digital life brings new challenges—screen time, online safety, and the pressure to always be available. Families need help with both the benefits and the risks.

Parenting also changes as children grow. What helps a toddler may not help an adolescent. Differences such as neurodiversity, trauma, and chronic health conditions shape how children respond to stress and connect with caregivers. Children are not passive. They affect the flow of family life. Their needs and strategies matter. Listening to them is key to building family resilience together.

In high-stress moments—during a meltdown, a sleepless night, or a mental health crisis—being prepared helps. Noticing early signs, using calming techniques, and knowing when to ask for help can reduce harm and build trust. These are not extras. They are basic supports every caregiver should have.

Most of all, recovery in parenting is not about returning to perfection. It means recognising the difficulties and making them part of the family’s story. What matters is that families grow in understanding, build trust, and develop tools to face what comes next. Parenting is full of aftershocks. But with the right supports—emotional, practical, and collective—families can stay connected through it all.